I have nothing to say

As my clock crests one o'clock

I feel the weight of a million voices

I'm at the height of my insomnia

I can't sleep with this

I have too many thoughts, too many ideas

I can't write them down

I type I too much

I listen to music and wish it were deeper

I wonder if there is some sort of sound out there

That represents me

Us

You

I

All of us

or none of us

"for a minute there, i lost myself, i lost myself"

I'm gone

for the next couple hours

I will stare into oblivion and recount my days

Feel higher than any drug could ever do to anyone

Feel like part of me is ripping away

I won't sit still

I won't make noise

Just shake until it stops

Until i feel safe to open my eyes

Is it crazy to say i fear opening my eyes and seeing things

Things being my ideas

I'm not sure how to explain it

Maybe i'm just crazy

ahah

No 'maybe',

I AM crazy

Not crazy like you

Or anyone for that matter

I'm crazy in a way that no one could explain

During the day, I'm completly fine.

but now

Now i'm awake

the sounds of some distant music and the ringing of some bell.

The creaking of a screen door made by some teenager sneaking out to see his friends

" you want me? then come on and break the door down"

I'm ready

I'm ready for sleep that never comes

If i could hear your heartbeat

Would it play the bass line to my song?

Will i ever hear it?

*sigh*

I personalize here, and rant and rave about things no one cares about.

I cant conceptualize when i already understand.

I feel like my soul is shattering itself.

Ripping and tearing and fighting from inside.

Ahahah. I'm going to go pretend i'm a poet and write something down.

Good night whoever decided to read this.

-C