I can taste it...
The blackened sludge of inhuman power
I can smell the fucking sweat of a terrible act upon an innocent
I don't even know where the fuck i am half the time
I am two people
We are. i should say
I'm acting my life through one of my sides
and there's another side
One i can't control, who has thoughts and labels and sits there in the background
Spectating the various acts I perform.
One day, I.
And right when my thoughts become clear, i muddle them
Finishing my sentence is impossible
I kill my thoughts before my fingers can put them here.
It's too dangerous. I'm not even sure why?
Maybe i'm just another hormonal teenager.
I admit it. I am.
Just another teenager, who knows nothing.
I can't stop shaking.
I lost them
Disassociation
First i'll lose everyone.
I'll recede into nothing.
No one will take a second thought of me, except in pity.
Then, run away from home.
Pretend i hate my family to get them to give up on me.
Go to the spot. The spot in my dreams, i've seen it before.
I'll tie my rope of lies and pain, to the tree of egotism and elitist views, i'll wrap this rope around my neck, i'll cry out to the world.
'I am not unique! I am just another kid! I know nothing!' then i'll let gravity have it's turn
I day dream of this.
The day i can die
I'll be in complete control until the last moments
And no one will miss me
I have so many regrets, so much pain that i shouldn't have, so many people hurt.
There is blood on my hands, covered in the tears of innocents and the glares of better men.
I will look at them and smile.
I have a plan and i'm gonna see it through.
-Cx
